Roadmap to Nowhere (But I’m Not Moving)

Let them hit the road—while you hit the floor. This street-themed t-shirt turns your back into a full-fledged motor speedway for tiny toy cars, trucks, and whatever that one three-wheeled thing is. You lie down. They zoom. Everyone wins (especially your spine).

Perfect for high-octane playtime and low-energy parenting, this shirt is designed for durability, nap-ability, and pretending you're involved while being gloriously horizontal.

Product Features:

- Classic round neckline for that “just rolled off the couch” look
- Double-needle sleeve and bottom hem, built to withstand drive-bys and snack fallout
- Tag printed inside the collar—no scratchy distractions while you’re impersonating asphalt
- Lightweight fabric (95% polyester / 5% spandex) that breathes easy and lies flat
- Regular fit with extra-large sizes available—because longer highways = longer breaks

Care Instructions:

- Machine wash cold (30°C / 90°F), inside out—because someone will drive through ketchup
- Do not bleach (even if someone crashes into a juice box)
- Do not tumble dry—air dry while you recover from being a speed bump
- Iron or steam on medium heat—if you ever stand up again
- Do not dry clean—you’ve done enough just by parenting